A Not So "Dulce" Post

   Since The Cooking Channel's inception last May, I have found myself angrily watching David Rocco's Dulce Vita on too many occasions.  (Yes, it is possible to angrily watch TV!)

   Everyone carries around a bowl of pasta when they go moped-ing through Italy, right?

   Why do I hate that guy?  Let me count the ways.  He's a former model with a douche baggy smile who spent his model earnings to open up some casually pretentious pizzeria/wine bar in his home town of Toronto.  But he didn't cook in it; he just makes money owning it.  He wrote one cookbook early in the millennium and released a second cookbook a year or so ago.  Two cookbooks in 10 years is nothing to write home about, but at the same time is no small feat.  Unless you are David Rocco, and you simply rehash many of the recipes from the first book for the second.

   But let's get to the main reason why this man makes me livid:  David Rocco's Dulce Vita.  Not once have I seen this show and gained anything except the making of a stomach ulcer.  I learn nothing and there are no tips or recipes I take away from it.  The premise of the show is "Hey, look at how awesome my life is."  He doesn't have to eat weird foods, do humiliating things, or spend countless days traveling to catch a few hours footage.  It simply features Mr. Rocco just casually living his life in Florence, boating with his model-esque wife, partying at exclusive clubs with his impossibly gorgeous Italian friends, and never having to wake up at 5 am for an important meeting.  Sure he occasionally throws some pasta in the pot and some garlic in the pan, but the "recipes" which are featured at tooooootally phoned in.  Some of my favorites include spaghetti with garlic and olive oil, arugula with lemon and olives, and calamari with black pepper.  You get the picture.  He takes a few ingredients, throws them together, and calls it a day.  Then his perfect friends come over around 10 pm and they magically have a feast of food that I assume was cooked by a hidden slave.

Typical "my life is so much better than yours" scene.

   Grant it, he is extremely involved in the making of his show.  Listening to music all to layout a soundtrack for 30 minutes of your week?  Editing footage to make your life look even more fantastically fun?  Whoring yourself out for high-class bar appearances where you drink free, get free publicity, and raise production money at the same time?  Planning trips to other parts of Italy to feature people other than yourself cooking?  Tough job.  I fail to see the stress.  The only stress I can glean from his life is that he has twin baby daughters who are too fucking beautiful.

   Really, I guess the true reason I hate David Rocco is that I am intensely jealous.  I want to be paid handsomely for a stress-free, no-brainer life that I can coast through.